No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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