how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
