so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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