I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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