You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
