he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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