No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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