Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
