no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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