woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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