He asked to "fluff my boner.."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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