He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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