is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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