Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
