sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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