I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
