did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
