I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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