Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
