Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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