member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
