i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
