Ambien. No doubt about it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
