I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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