Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He better not be in your backpack
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
