I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
