I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
