I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
