I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
