So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
