i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
