Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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