omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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