I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
