It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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