he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
