I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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