are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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