he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The cops high fived after they tackled you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
