i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
