Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
