The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
