whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
