dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
