I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
