its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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