That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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