i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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