I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I looked at my own cervix.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
