So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
