i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
