So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
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There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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