There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
