Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize