drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
