that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
