Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.

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(386): View more from Florida

According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.

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(440): View more from Ohio

You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.

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(239): View more from Florida

Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.

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(206): View more from Washington

The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.

(1-206): View more from Washington

Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?

(206): View more from Washington

...You'll thank me later.

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