Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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