So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
