I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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