I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
