everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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