We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
