Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
