And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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