But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
