Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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