So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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