I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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