Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
