I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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