Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
