all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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