I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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