Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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