oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
